


The Colour Is Blue

by Bananasplit86



Series: Retirement stories [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pain, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9054496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bananasplit86/pseuds/Bananasplit86
Summary: Ralf knew that he wouldn’t be there, yet there’s this tiny bit of him that hopes he would be. There’s this one tiny bit of him that desperately needs him to be there and it hurts like hell when he realises that Manu isn’t there. That Manu isn’t in the crowd saying goodbye as Ralf says goodbye to Schalke for the final time.





	

Ralf knew that he wouldn’t be there, yet there’s this tiny bit of him that hopes he would be. There’s this one tiny bit of him that desperately needs him to be there and it hurts like hell when he realises that Manu isn’t there. That Manu isn’t in the crowd saying goodbye as Ralf says goodbye to Schalke for the final time.

It hurts even more considering that Ralf had made the trip to Munich a year earlier as Manu retired from football. It hurts so much that he’s verging on anger as well as sadness. 

Leon hugs him sadly after the final whistle and Benni droops against him slightly. They’ve all been through so much together, so many years of being the nearly men for their club, so many years of holding the club together on the pitch as everything around them faltered and tried to crumble.

He hugs them back and shrugs when Benni asks him where Manu is. “Don’t know and I’m not sure if I care anymore.” He bites with more venom than Benni deserves.

“You do. You wouldn’t be so angry if you didn’t Ralf.” 

The words are so soft that Ralf stops. He’s right, as always. Benni is right and Ralf knows it. 

He cares too much. And that’s always been his achilles heel when it comes to Manu.

-

He’s just closing his case when the doorbell rings. He sighs. He really doesn’t want visitors right now, he wants to close his case, grab a bottle of beer and relax before heading to bed. He walks as slowly to the door as possible, hoping that whoever it is will go away before he can get to the door. 

He stops when he gets close enough to see the shadow through the frosted window.

“I know you’re in there Ralf. I can see you. Let me in, please.”

His voice is soft and pleading, and Ralf’s anger at him is disappearing with every word he speaks. He feels it receding and lessening the longer he stands there and listens to him. He should walk away and leave Manu standing there but he can’t.

“I’m sorry.” 

Ralf just leaves the door open and stalks towards the kitchen silently. He hears the door close somewhere behind him as he opens two beers, leaving one on the countertop a few feet away.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it. Not this time.” He murmurs as Manu takes a slow sip. “The one time I needed you there and you bailed. The one time I _asked_ you to be there for me and you weren’t. Sorry isn’t good enough.”

“I know Ralf, I know. But I don’t what I can do to make this right with you, with us. I fucked up, I know I did, and I regret it, I did at the time. Tell me how I can fix this, please.”

“I don’t know Manuel.” He sighs. There’s a flinch from Manu at the use of his full name and Ralf sees that he’s hurting too, he’s hurting from his own stupidity. “Why didn’t you come?”

Manu sits at the table, fingers pulling at the label on the bottle and his head dropped low. “I couldn’t face the questions.”

“But you’ve been back a hundred times. You’ve had them all then, you’ve had them a hundred times before.” Ralf feels the anger bubbling again.

“Not those ones Ralf. I can take the ones still asking me why I left and how I feel about the club. But I couldn’t face the questions over why I would be there. How do I answer those? How do I answer those when all I would want to say is because of you?”

“My god, you’re an idiot.” Ralf snaps. There’s exasperation and frustration behind his anger and he rolls his eyes as he pushes himself off from the counter. “You could have said exactly that. You were there for me. We’re good friends to everyone but those closest to us!” He hears the strangled sob as he walks past Manu quickly, not bearing to look at him for the time being.

He sits for a while on the end of his bed, the closed but not zipped suitcase by his side, and his head in his hands. When had everything got so bad between them that Manu couldn't have talked to him about this before just not turning up? When did things change so much?

He guesses it was when Manu retired, when their responsibilities began to change and differ and when their careers separated so finally. He wishes they'd retired together, maybe then they'd be happy, maybe then they'd be anything but this.

“Do you want me to leave?”

He looks up to Manu standing in the doorway with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. And despite his anger at Manu, he doesn't want him to leave, he doesn't want him to go. He needs him. 

“No.” 

The tension in Manu’s body dissipates and Ralf sees him sag, sees his shoulders slink down and his neck soften. He sees the tears now when Manu looks at him, he sees the tracks down his cheeks and the redness of his eyes.

“I fucked up didn't I?”

“Yes.”

“I messed us up and I'm sorry. I -”

“I know.” 

“Where are you going?” Manu asks quietly taking a step nearer.

“Sicily. To that resort we always wanted to go to. I booked it for you too but when you didn't show…” Ralf breaks. He finally breaks after the last few days of wondering what they were anymore and he sobs.

“Oh my god Ralf, I made you think I didn't love you, I made you think I didn't want you.”

And there it is. Ralf’s thoughts vocalised so simply and he can only nod. His voice is stuck in his throat, strangled and small and he nods again hoping that Manu can see his pain and understand why he's so angry.

He hears a thud and feels a hand on his knee, careful and soft. “I'm so so sorry Ralf. I never meant for any of this, I didn't think that you'd see it that way. I'm such an idiot.”

“Can you stop apologising,” Ralf sniffs, “and just tell me that you still love me. Please.” 

Manu swallows thickly and smiles, the first time he's done so since he's arrived and Ralf can't help returning it. There's something so open and warming about Manu’s smile, something so honest and there's a warm bloom in Ralf’s chest.

“I love you Ralf, I always have and I can't believe that I'd be stupid enough to make you see otherwise, make you think that I don't. I want you in my life forever, I want to wake up to your face and go to sleep with you beside me. I need you so much. I love you.” 

Ralf sighs softly and brushes a hand around Manu’s cheek, letting his fingers caress the soft skin slowly. “Would you like to come with me to Sicily then and get us back on track?” 

“Yes, I'd love to if you want me to.” 

“I do. But I need you to tell me what we are. I need to you say that we’re in this for the long run and that you're not going to shy away from questions anymore.”

“We’re partners Ralf. You're my… my boyfriend, and I want more than anything for it to stay that way for a long long time.”

Ralf closes his eyes for a few seconds as he lets the words sink in, and then he smiles as he opens them. There's still hurt there but it's hurt that can be overcome in time, it's hurt that can be eased with Manu by his side. 

“I love you.” He whispers, pressing his lips to Manu's softly. “But you're probably going to need to explain yourself to Benni too at some point.”

The laugh sets his soul on fire and his heart ablaze.


End file.
